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新译通翻译公司---上海---北京---广州---深圳
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商务信函的英文书写规则(4)
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来源:新译通翻译公司 时间:2006-06-09
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“简洁”是有客观标准的。虽然西方国家的作者之间在怎样用词才算“简洁”方面还是有争论的，不过他们的一些看法还是有一定参考价值的。
现在把他们所做的某些词句的“不简洁”的比较列在下面做参考：
不简洁 简洁
enclosed herewith enclosed
enclosed you will find enclosed is
please be advised that (four wasted words)
please don''t hesitate to call upon us please write us
please feel free to write prior to please write before
this is to advise you (five wasted words)
under separate cover separately
a long period of time a long time
continuous and uninterrupted continuous (or uninterrupted)
during the year of 1971 during 1971
endorse on the back of this check endorse this check
for a price of $300 for $300
grateful and appreciative grateful(or: appreciative)
immediately and at once immediately (or: at once)
in(for) the moment of $400 For $400
in the city of Chicago in Chicago
according to our records we find
at this time now
due to the fact that because
during the time that while
for the purpose of for, to
for the reason that since(or; because)
下面是某些作者认为“应该用”和“不应该用”的：
不应该用 应该用
Averting to your favor Referring to your letter
Re (your letter) or
The writer wishes to acknowledge Thank you for your letter
We are in receipt of We have received
We beg to acknowledge We are writing to inform you
We have to acknowledge
We beg to inform you
We beg to thank you We thank you
Your letter to hand We have received your letter
Yours to hand
怎样才能使商业书信“简洁”？ 西方国家作者有很多建议，先介绍如下：
（一）避免使用陈旧的商业术语
陈旧的与传统的商业术语（Commercial jargon）对信的内容没有什么作用，应该避免使用。
例一：
Wordy: We wish to acknowledge receipt of your letter of November 14 with the check for Stg.10 enclosed and wish to thank you for same.
Concise: We appreciate your letter of November 14 and the check for Stg. 10 you sent with it.
例二：
Wordy: We take liberty to approach you with the request that you would be kind enough to introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your cities.
Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city?
Concise: (a) Please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.
(b)Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.
（二）要长话短说，避免罗嗦
通常商业人士每天需要阅读大量的书信，对开门见山，长话短说，直接切题的信特别欢迎。因此，写信要力求长话短说，例如：
不要写 应写作
Please see that an enquiry is conducted to determine the reason. Please find out the reason.
We express our regret at being unable to fulfil your order on this occasion. We are sorry we cannot meet your present order.
要使用简洁的语言，有可能的话，尽量使用单词来代替某些娇柔做作的短语如：
Will you be good enough to-----------------------------Please
Come to a decision----------------------------------------decide
Express a preference for---------------------------------prefer
For the reason that----------------------------------------because
删去不必要的形容词，如下列句子中的形容词或副词删去后并不影响句子的原意：
The proposal is under (active) consideration.
The answer is (definitely) correct.
I would (rather) think the fare is too high.
The (true) facts are as stated
（三）要注意每句句子的长短
例如：
"We would like to know whether you would allow us to extend the time of shipment for twenty days, and if you would be so kind as to allow us to do so, kindly give us your reply by cable without delay."
这句话过分“客气”，使句子过长而不清楚。内容要求对方同意延期交货20天，一般情况下，应尽可能提出延期到那一天的具体日期。这句话可压缩为：
"Please reply by telegram immediately if you will allow us to delay the shipment until April 21."(如同意我们把交货延期到四月二十一日，请电复。)
有的作者为了使人们记住避免使用陈旧的商业术语，专门选择了一些他认为陈旧的商业术语搞成一首诗：
We beg to advise and wish to state
That yours has arrived of recent date.
We have it before us, its contents noted;
Herewith enclosed are the prices we quoted.
Attached please find, as per your request,
The data you wanted; and not let us suggest
Your order be sent, and not held unduly,
We beg to remain, yours most truly.
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